I Haven’t Got A Fanny But I’d Like One


Tucked neatly in between Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day (at least in the UK), March 8th is International Women’s Day.

I have to say that a few years ago this was a worthy and important initiative and I remember various bosses buying flowers and making tea for their secretaries or taking them out for lunch.

For the most part this was a genuine act of thanks and appreciation.

In the current climate where we are being forced to believe that sex is a fluid spectrum rather than a binary function, where battles between TERFs and the Trans movement rage, and when there is massive controversy over whether you can even wear a t-shirt with the dictionary definition of a woman on it, International Women’s Day seems a bit of an anachronism.

However, I take this opportunity to present my tribute to women everywhere…

I Haven’t Got A Fanny But I’d Like One

I haven’t got a fanny but I’d like one
To find out what this fuss is all about
Be interesting to have bits that go inward
Rather than have bits that just stick out

Be handy playing sport when you get hit there
And easier to sit down with legs crossed
Won’t start to chafe when down there things get sweaty
And when its freezing nothing to defrost

Cycling will once more be a pleasure
No chance of unintentionally squashed plums
Nothing poking out when you get horny
No need for lots of tissues when you cum

To have a quim seems really quite a bonus
In fact it sounds to me like paradise
There is one thing that really puts me off though
That’s having some fat, hairy, panting, sweating, grunting, thoughtless, insensitive tub of lard thrusting inside

And that’s enough to make me reconsider
In front of all of you I hereby pledge
Respect to all you with a hairy fish pie
I’ll keep firm hold of my meat and two veg

Phil C.