For National Poetry Day
Freedom is the theme for #NationalPoetryDay 2017, and in this age of enlightened freedom of expression and the right of anyone to identify as – and be with – anyone they want, I wanted to honour Chris Sevier, the Utah man who wanted to marry his laptop. It seems his request was unsuccessful, partly on the grounds that it was too young!
I’m profoundly in love with my laptop,
And have been for quite a long time.
I sit and I gaze through her Windows,
Her retina screen’s looking fine.
There really is no doubt about it
She has the keyboard to my heart
And the ample size of her batteries
Means we are never apart.
We regularly go out on updates,
She has software that’s ready to go,
I whisper “when will USB mine?”,
She replies “wi-fi art thou Romeo?”
“I’ll make my heaven in a lady laptop”
Said Shakespeare in Henry the Sixth.
I can’t get enough of her Microsoft touch,
She makes a hard drive of my floppy disc.
Then last week I did something stupid,
Used another behind her back.
I was wrong but you know that old saying,
“You won’t look back when you’ve had a Mac”.
Those slim sleek lines and smooth edges,
The instant response from the boot,
Elegant, stylish and modern,
That Apple was my forbidden fruit.
Worst of all I contracted a virus,
And transferred it to my love back home,
Now everything’s running real slowly,
Windows and programs and Chrome.
The ports won’t respond to an input,
The memory is full and won’t clear,
Recycle bin content keeps returning,
Norton says the attack is severe.
So here I am in World of Computers,
Hmm, this Samsung model’s brand new,
Just look at the specs on it, wow,
“Baby, HDMI love you”
There’s a moral at the end of this story,
You can’t make a laptop your wife,
Don’t get so attached to your tech mate,
For fuck’s sake – get a life