Best not, what would the Feminazi say?

As we continue along the road towards a new puritan utopia where womxn are afraid to look down in case they are offended by their own breasts and table legs have to be covered for fear of stoking the fires of a man’s libido, great programs of the 70s and 80s become black-listed sorry, verboten – and quite right too (#Irony).

So I have decided to look a little further back in history at some classics of English literature to see how they might fare in today’s ‘modern’ society. Here’s my first offering – a remake of William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Best not, what would the Feminazi say?
(Sonnet 2018)

Don’t tell me that I’m hot, it’s not your place
“More lovely” is a Patriarchal slur
Not interested in thoughts about my face
You should have checked which pronouns I prefer.

You’ll never touch my “darling buds of May”
It’s racist to describe my tone as gold
Go on a date with you? uh-uh, no way
I hate men that presume to be so bold.

I want to be untrimmed, that’s my affect
Why should I not possess a hairy quim?
If Death or any other man object
I say that it’s fuck all to do with him

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
We’ll fight the fight to choke the life from he

Phil C.

In case you’re interested, here’s the original Sonnet 18;

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature’s changing course, untrimmed;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow’st.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
We’ll fight the fight to choke the life from he